Setting boundaries…simple?

Setting a boundary is easy.  It is the keeping of it that is hard.  Ask any person who is on a diet, starting an exercise regime, quitting smoking or leaving/healing a relationship.  We have all experienced a moment when one of our boundaries was crossed; it left us feeling sick, taken for granted, angry, befuddled or abused to name a few possible emotions.

As a bodyworker it is particularly important to set and keep boundaries.  Because of the intimate nature of bodywork a normal affinity for another person can turn into something unhealthy.  Bear in mind the potential danger of friendships coloring the objective outlook required in a practitioner/patient interaction.  In some cases an emotional need is fulfilled by one member of the duo that is independent of this professional relationship.  Perhaps one is reminded of their long dead mother, or a long lost friend, or an old lover for whom they still long.  These are all potential boundary issues that can arise within a practitioner/patient relationship.  

If you find yourself thinking of your patient/practitioner too much you might want to examine what it is that attracts you to this person.  What need is being fulfilled?  Is it like a mini therapy session within the bodywork hour? Does the client remind you of somebody so you give them special treatment? Are you harder on the client for some reason? Does the client respect your boundaries and do you respect theirs’? Does the client ask you for additional help outside of the treatment session? Also if you find yourself drained or energized after a session with somebody you might want to examine that sensation as well.  It could be just as simple as rejuvenation or it could be a case of an energy exchange between practitioner and client that is unhealthy.

I choose to talk about the client practitioner relationship because that is my experience. Of course there are boundaries that are present in all sorts of professional relationships. Look deeply into a corporation for example, and you will find many layers of relationships.  In busy times boundaries are often thrown out the window in order to meet deadlines.  It is what happens afterwards that needs to be examined.  Is it a give and take between employer and employee?  The you scratch my back and I will scratch yours kind of relationship?

In the past couple of years I have witnessed many people take on additional responsibility in their jobs.  They are now working the job of 1.5-2 people at the same pay rate and no extra bonuses.  All because of a failing economy and the fear of losing their job; not because they are new in their career and haven’t yet learned what is appropriate or trying to get ahead by working double time.  In some cases it balance out…we all know the worker that sits and plays solitaire all day while the rest of the crew is busting their tails to get things done, but in many cases it is not so fair and a seemingly reactionary mechanism.

Regardless of one’s situation it is healthy to examine your relationships-professional and personal-and re-assess the value of them.  It is also a healthy activity to calmly and gently express your feelings about the relationship and re-negotiate a new boundary if there is one that doesn’t work for you.  Keeping your boundaries will help you grow as an individual and create greater respect and regard for your person.  Besides the easier your life flows the less pain and discomfort you will feel in your body.  This is a good thing.